Monday, March 03, 2008

Tarzan Installs Red Hat 6.2 Linux

September 5th Tarzan wasn't so sure he wanted to install Linux on the family computer, "Ara", but it was on Jane's list of things to do. Cheetah, their pet chimp, had already freed up 2gb by partitioning the hard drive.

Tarzan wanted to get rid of the ISA sound card and deleted the machine profile which contained it. This sound card wasn't up to the task of recording Tarzan's pand (thunderous) jungle cry. Jane had come back from the village with a new PCI sound card and a book "Red Hat Bible". Tarzan copied the leftover MP3 files on the D: partition. They wouldn't play on the stereo but they did play on the computer. Jane thought the Joliet formated CDs were the problem. This was fine- Cheetah could still play his favorite songs.

Tarzan installed Linux. It wouldn't install on a Windows partition. He asked Cheetah to create a Linux partition. Cheetah didn't know how and the dumb book didn't say how many, what size or how to create them. The problem was solved when Tantor the elephant came by with the right combination. Linux installed. Tarzan turned his attention to installing the Gnome GUI (Graphical User Interface).

Tarzan was proud of himself. Just a few short years ago he was a ape man swinging on vines with no human contact. Now he was a valuable member of society running a state-of-the-art 'Open Source' operating system. He was able to solve the installation problems with the help of his wife, Jane, or with the help of one of his many jungle friends. The massive "Redhat Bible" tome was of little value except to beat Histah, as the snake tried to sneak up and strangle Cheetah.

Tarzan was worried because if anything went wrong he would have no way of fixing it. The nearest tech support was four days away. Jane was impressed and praised Tarzan's strength and cunning, but she was a little fast with the praise. Ara had no mouse (sord Pamba, bad Rat) support. Nothing in the book told Tarzan what to do. Tarzan raised a great cry for help. Many of his friends responded, "Gorgo" the buffalo, "Bara" the deer, "Duro" the hippo, "Bhuto" the rhino, even "Horta" the boar tried to help the mighty ape man solve this problem. They had plenty of suggestions- mostly involving rocks or "Arad" (his spear) but to no avail. Tarzan had no mouse control in Linux and Jane was sad. Tarzan wrote down some things to check. He wasn't getting anywhere until he checked with the wise "Zanzi" (the spider) web. Zanzi told him to run Mouseconfig, which solved the mouse trouble and to run Sndconfig, which got the sound working.

Tarzan I looked through the book again for more yo-knowledge and played with Linux. Tarzan and Jane found Linux interesting but I couldn't see why they would want to use it for anything. Even Cheetah became bored using MySQL to keep track of his bananas. Cheetah set the multi-boot to Root rather than use his 'Cheetah' user account. At first the protection was nice but the constant denial of permission caused Cheetah to fling his poop at Ara. This made Jane mad.

Three Goros (moons) went by. Ret Hat Linux on Ara was a Hondo (hornet) in their side. It was time to bundolo (kill) Linux. Cheetah deleted the sord (bad) Linux partitions. Tarzan booted back into Windows 98 SE2 and peace had returned to the jungle.

1 comment:

Craig Maas said...

I was writing a blog post about installing Ubuntu Linux this week. I was going to post a short comment about using Linux in 2001. It had the word 'I' a lot- of course there was no one but me installing it. This journal entry from 2001 wasn't usable in its current form. I started thinking this would make a funny post if Tarzan was installing Linux.

The odd words come from Ape-English Dictionary found in the 1964 "Tarzan of the Apes" Whitman edition.