National Waterboy League Week 10 Review

It was a big day in the NWBL so lets get right to our four key game recap.

The North Central Conference saw the match up of the top seated Green Bay Packers against a newly re-energized Minnesota Vikings. The running game dominated the day, or should I say the lack of a running game. The Packer defense effectively benched Adrian Peterson- last week's player of the week. On the other side of the ball, Brett Farve was able to find receivers at will, and on the ground the Packers were able to find their feet and run for over 150 yards in their 34-0 shutout victory. But more importantly the Packers were able to pound down 27 gallons of water and 36 gallons of Gatorade compared to the desert-like consumption of the visiting Vikings. "We weren't doing much on the field or on the sidelines," said Minnesota Tight End Garrett Mills, " I feel we let down our coach and our Water Boy, Dennis. Dennis was begging us to keep hydrated but as the score became more lopsided we just didn't keep up with our fluids."
John Kuhn, who had a great day on the field, responded for the victorious Packers, "Coach told us to stay on our toes. Whenever he saw us standing around Coach McCarthy would bark out, 'Quit standing around Kuhn, and get some Gatorade.' I have to hand it to our coach and Pepper our Water Boy. I don't think I've been as hydrated during a game. If you'll excuse me I have to use the rest room."
"Dangers caused by overexposure to high temperature and humidity are preventable if coaches and players know the early warning signs and stay cool and hydrated. Simple steps like allowing for acclimatization, adjusting the intensity of practice to environmental conditions and access to properly formulated sports drinks can make all the difference." said Pepper Burruss, head athletic trainer and waterboy for the Green Bay Packers.

6'1" Chad Johnson had four receptions for 73 yards helping his Cincinnati Bengals beat the hapless Baltimore Ravens 21-7. Johnson attributed his success today on the field to his pre-season training. "…Nowhere (is) more intense than an NFL Training Camp, players working their hardest to get ready for the grueling football season. Hard work means lots of sweating, which could lead to dehydration. Every NFL player knows to drink Gatorade to keep their bodies hydrated. It's the safe and smart thing to do. And, Gatorade tackles dehydration head-on. Drinking Gatorade ensures every player is prepared to sustain peak performance."

After the losing to the San Diego Chargers 23-21, Indianapolis Colt quarterback Peyton Manning had this to say, "We struggled throughout today's game. It was obvious the Chargers had the advantage with gallons and gallons of Gatorade 'Lime Rain' sports drink. I feel our waterboy let us down. I've talked to the coach and he agrees something must be done. I'm hoping the owners will do the right thing and trade off some our better players to Denver. I'm convinced only this measure will convince Denver to trade Steve Antonopulos to our organization." When asked about their fourth quarter come back Manning said, "Guys were puking on the no-name sports drink our waterboy had set out. I sent my wife to the 7-11 down the block. I told her, 'Honey, grab as much Gatorade as you can find. Stop at another store if you have too but fill up the back of the pickup!' She was a real trooper. If she hadn't gotten pulled over for speeding- who knows we might have won this game."

One day after his father died, SF Coach Mike Nolan tried unsuccessfully to get his team a win, but the 49er's were no match for the better coached and hydrated Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks dried up the 49er's post-season hopes 24-0.
Cornerback Walt Harris spoke for most of the San Francisco team when he said, "core temperature is not necessarily associated with either percentage of dehydration or sweat rate. It wasn't even 50 degrees- I certainly wasn't sweating, but I was having trouble with dehydration."
Seattle Wide Receiver Nate Burleson said, "Our field data does not support the common dogma that the heaviest sweaters or most dehydrated players are at the greatest risk for developing high core temperatures because exercise intensity and dehydration were not controlled. This does not negate the well-known relationship between increasing dehydration and increasing core body temperature. Our waterboy has studied this in detail and we believe our hydration practices give us a leg up over at team like the 49ers who still believe talent and coaching are the keys to victory."

Victor Wins The Lottery

Saturday, the phone rang. It was my friend Victor. He was yelling incoherently about wining. "Craig, you have to get over here right away. I finally did it. We won!"
Normally I would just ignore this outburst and go back to watching television, but I was bored and there was something just a little bit odd in his voice.
When I got to his house, Arlene answered the door.
"Vic asked me to come over."
"I'm sorry but you've missed him."
"That's odd. He just called me. Where did he go?"
"I just got here myself but he left a note," Arlene replied
The note said he was in Moorhead, "Meet me downtown."
This was becoming a wild goose chase; yet I was still game.

As I approached 8th Street, I could see Victor running down the street with what looked like a gun in his hand. He waved me over.
"Craig I won. We won!" Vic shouted as I got out of the car.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know we've always talked about breaking down and buying a MN lottery ticket?"
"Yes?"
"Well, I was at M&H getting some gas. I decided to buy a ticket. By the way you owe me 50 cents. And it was a winner."
"So what did you win, this plastic squirt gun?" I joked.
"Two .. Million.. Dollars!!"
"You're shitting me!"
"No it's true. But there is a catch. Today was the last day of the lottery. You can buy up to $2,000,000 worth of products using this wedding registration gun. It has to be in Minnesota too. Today is the last day and it's already getting late- most of the stores have closed."
"If I understand this machine all you have to do is point it at the UPC code, so even if the store is closed if you can beam through the window and it will work."
As if to test the theory he turned around and bought a $12 model B-17 airplane.
"Hey it works."
"That maybe true but what are doing downtown, get over to the Moorhead Center Mall. Better yet try the car dealership," I said.

About the then the cops pulled around the corner with their lights flashing.
"Put that thing behind your back. Take my keys and I'll stay to explain. I'll meet you at the Moorhead Center Mall."
Victor quietly slipped into my van.

I was manhandled and driven to the ground. Thankful I wasn't tasered. I took me half an hour to explain. The problem was they weren't listening. I finally got them to call M&H and confirm my story.

When the police dropped me off at the Moorhead Center Mall, I found Victor trying to register a camera through the window of a photo store. I looked at the clock- time was up. Well, this was fun little adventure even if he didn't get much more than a kid's airplane model.
Victor was grinning, "I think I got it all!"
"How's that?"
"I think I spent all two million dollars!"
"What? Did you stop at the car dealership and buy his entire inventory?" I asked.
"No."
"Don't tell me you bought two million in jewelry at retail?"
"No."
"What did you do Teigen," I demanded.
"I bought a railroad."
I stood there dumbfounded.
"The stores were closed, I was having trouble getting this gun to work, and I only had a few minutes left, when I noticed the Land Office across the street. I asked, 'What do you have for two million dollars.' That got their attention. The hardest part was coming up with a UPC for me to scan, but the guy figured out how to generate one online, so I got a Railroad in this here gun!"
I was still dumbfounded, "What do you mean you have a railroad. What railroad?"
"It's a little bit of track, a bridge, and some rolling stock on the Glydon-Hawley Railroad."
"I've never heard of it."
"He said it was going to be a spur line that never got finished."
"I think you got taken."
"Well, lets run out there and check it out. I got the keys," Vic said while dangling a suspiciously small set of keys.

In Glydon we had to ask around. It wasn't a good sign. No one seemed to know what we were talking about. I finally call the police department, "Oh yes, Baker's Boondoggle. I can tell you where it is." The cop told us the tale of this railroad to nowhere, "It was an investment scheme that took a lot of people for a lot of money. I hope you boys aren't involved."

When we got to the shed I could see the sign hanging by one screw. But I knew it must be the place by all the profanity sprayed on the sides. The key fit the lock and we went inside. You couldn't see anything and of course there was no power. We walked around this 20-foot square shed and tripped over the rails leading into a side door.
Victor was opened the lock and slid open the door.
I asked, "I wonder what rolling stock the railroad owns?"
Sunlight illuminated the contents of the shed after Vic opened the door.
"You got to be kidding me. A handcart!" I yelled.
"But it's an electric handcart. And it shows a partial charge. Craig, let's go look at our railroad."
"I haven't given you the 50 cents yet and I'm not sure I'm going to."

I had to push the handcart to get it moving, but once rolling it picked up speed. We got to the Buffalo River and there stood our bridge. It looked in good shape but I was no engineer.
"I'm not going over that thing."
"I'm sure it's safe. It's designed for thousand ton trains and all we have is a handcart."
"Okay, but you're killing me here- lets just home not literally."

Once we safely crossed the bridge I had to admit it was a nice bridge. We continued down the railroad…
… about a block. The railroad ended as abrupt as it begun.
"Victor this isn't much of a railroad."
"Yes, I guess you're right."

Months went by. Victor did some research and found there was some salvage value but not much. The Minnesota Lottery commission was quiet about awarding this prize. The only winner was the Land Office.

One day Victor stopped by with an old green army bag.
"I found it down by the bridge. It was half buried. It has some open reel tapes I thought you might like."
"Ah, no." I replied, "I have no interest in old decayed tapes."
"But they're in pretty good shape, except this one, which had fallen out of the duffle bag and was half buried in the dirt. "
I thought I would humor Victor, so we looked through the bag. There were half a dozen open reel tapes and some personal effects. We looked through all the paperwork and found a name Otto Herman. The effects seem to date back to 1962. It was a mixture of English and German. Otto appeared to have come from Hamburg. We surmised he was probably a sailor riding the rails across America. Otto stopped in Moorhead and joined a rail crew working on this bridge to make a little money. He lost his tapes and books in a poker game. They had been sitting here since then.

Victor kept asking me about the tapes. Well he is my friend. I got my open reel out of the attic and spooled up one of the reels. The tapes played too fast. My Akai will go down to 3-3/4 inches per second but this was obviously recorded at 1-7/8 ips. I recorded it to my computer and cut the speed in half. I laughed at the old time polka music. Victor will get a kick out of this. I recorded the other reels of tape. Finally I scrapped the dried mud off the remaining reel. It was still dirty and I didn't want to screw up my Akai- even if I don't use it anymore. I got some distilled water and soaked the reel. Then I replaced the water and did this a couple more times. Finally I carefully un-spooled the tape and washed every inch of the tape. I let it dry and then re-spooled the tape.

"Kaiserkeller/Casbah Club" was penciled on the side of the reel. When I played the tapes they sounded vaguely familiar. But it wasn't until the tapes were slowed down on the computer that I realized, "This is the Beatles!"
I thought to myself, "Obviously this is just a copy of the Star Club tapes." But when I checked they weren't the same.

Victor was more interested in the polka tapes. "I could use them as a theme song for the Railroad!"
"What? What the hell are you talking about? Didn't you hear what I said, 'I've found early Beatle tapes.' They could be worth a small fortune. They will more than make up for your little railroad disaster."
Vic's eyes lit up, "You're right. With the money these Beatles tapes will bring we can probably finish building the railroad."

Lindsey Buckingham, The Venue 6/28/07

I got to Playmakers 'The Venue' before the doors opened. There was a line- maybe twenty people deep in front of me. Club members got in at 7:00, but there weren't many of those. I went in with everyone else at 7:15. I milled around for a few minutes, getting my bearings before heading in. The stage was at the end of the hall; past the bar and a couple rows of tables. There were more tables up in the balcony. I crossed the concrete dance floor and stood in the front row; center stage. There was one guy in front of me. Any minute I expected a tap on the shoulder from my friend but he never showed. I brought a Molekine Cahier notebook and a pencil to do a quick drawing of the stage. To my left was the electric piano and Korg keyboard, along with Brett Tuggle's monitors and pedal board for his guitars and bass. Indicator lights from Lindsey's eight guitar amps glowed red in the subdued stage lighting. It looked like only three were mic'd up. In front of me were his stage monitors. I could stretch out my fingers to touch them. Three pedals and his mic stand were between the monitors. In the back to the right, was an electronic drum kit, acoustic cymbals and percussion set up. To the right was Neale Heywood's seat with a row of acoustic guitars, electric guitars and a bass stacked an upright rack. By the rack Neale had an acoustic guitar amp, and electric guitar amp. There was a raised area to the right of the stage where the soundboard was located. To the left of the stage, at ground level, was an area the roadies came from. Above that area was a private patron area full of young ladies overlooking the stage.

I never did start the drawing, although I was there for over an hour before the concert started and my friend was MIA. I met a really nice guy: George- the guy in front of me. He went to get a beer and I moved up and rested my elbows on the stage where I remained all evening. When he came back, I introduced myself. George was from Denver and looked a little like me when I sport a goatee. He was self-employed and decided to follow the tour- catching the last three dates. George had seen Lindsey eight times. George was a big fan and had discovered Fleetwood Mac about the same time as I had in 1975. He knew a lot of trivia about Lindsey and Fleetwood Mac, so we had lots to talk about. We talked in detail about "Tusk" and Lindsey's association with John Stewart and Walter Egan. I also chatted up the lady on my other side. She was there with her husband, who was just there... mostly to get beer. She had seen Fleetwood Mac in Grand Forks on the last tour. I showed her the set list I brought with me and we shared favorite songs. George knew more about what was coming up, "During the solo for 'So Afraid' Lindsey will stand right here with one foot on the monitor." This is why he was standing off to the right side of the stage. He also chatted with David and Lindsey- fellow tour followers. George was very excited. Thanks to General Seatting this was the closest he had ever gotten on tour.

At 8:00 PM the roadies came onstage and did a last minute sound check. Lindsey came onstage with a Nylon string Turner RN-6 acoustic for "Not Too Late". I noticed he had no low E string. A couple of his guitars were missing the low E-string. He played the song by himself. I was watching his fingers pick out the notes. Lindsey was in a black t-shirt, black leather jacket, black leather boots, and a pair of tepid faux blue jeans. The second track was "Trouble" from the 'Law and Order' album. Another Turner acoustic guitar- steel string this time. Lindsey played one song from almost every album except for 'Mirage' and 'Out of the Cradle'.

The crowd was boisterous, but I didn't think anything of it. Lindsey looked through cupped hands, through the spot lights- looking on with mock concern. I thought he was going through the motions. Some guy was yelling out "My Little Demon". George told me Lindsey plays the same set list, so we were both surprised when Lindsey broke into a minute of this song. Later someone yelled out "Louie Louie", Lindsey looked at Neale and asked, "Should we?" Neale shook his head no. Later still, some lady yelled out "Long Distance Runner." Lindsey stared her down and replied, "you don't even know the name of the song!" and that was the end of requests.

The band joined him for the next song. I shouted to George, "I see a Turner Model 1." A person favorite, the Turner 1 is a beautiful guitar that you only see in Lindsey's hands.

The sound wasn't very good from where I was standing. I was between 'The Venue' PA speakers- I might have been slightly behind them. Lindsey's guitar amps were facing me, and his stage monitors were at my chest. George seemed happy where he was. Behind me the floor was full, as were the tables, but I could squeeze back and find the sweet spot for sound. I made a decision to stay put. I have never been this close, and when I remember concerts I rarely remember much about the sound. It's the details that stick.

During "Castaway Dreams" I could actually hear Lindsey and the acoustic guitar over the PA. So as bad as the PA sound was, during the acoustic half of his set, the sound was good. Man, if I just had a switch to turn off the PA!

Lindsey introduced "Red Rover" as a strange song about the gods looking down on some horrible event. Some wag in the crowd yelled out "one God." Lindsey fixes him a look and continues on with his canned explanation before starting the song. The acoustic guitar had a Roland guitar synthesizer pick-up and is plugged into a Roland board, but I don't hear anything unusual- this after the build up from Lindsey. What I do hear is a disconcerting delay between when his fingers pluck the strings and the sound from the amp.

I was watching Brett and Neale play, as I was interested in the arrangements. Usually both where playing guitars. There was some bass played during the uptempo rockers, but mostly the sound filled the high frequency spectrum. Some people had ear plugs. I had a pair in my pocket but I didn't think it was too loud. I did have some trouble with the bass drum coming out of the right PA column, but as the band switched up the rockers and acoustic numbers it never got too bad. Brett was pretty good about making eye contact. He would catching me looking his way and would nod and smile. Brett also seemed to have a fan club. There was a clutch of young ladies to my left trying to catch his attention holding up signs "We Love You Brett". Odd, because Brett isn't exactly famous, and is only moderately good looking.

I was looking at Lindsey, Brett and Neale during "It Was You" - someone was out of tune. I had a hard time figuring out who- I think it was Brett or Lindsey. It's also possible that the harmonically complex song caused dissonants when distorted by the PA.

I was looking forward to hearing the fast acoustic version of "Big Love". I was so close that I had to crane my neck up to see Lindsey's face. On this song I just wanted to watch his fingers. I was surprised by how little fret board activity was going on. The song sounds like it's going 100 mph, but his fingers just slowing making the rounds on what looks like an open tuning. The guitar is a Chet Atkins Nylon String Gibson.

I had read that Lindsey recites a poem before "Go Insane" so I was prepared. I thought he had finished so I yell up "Amen." But he had only paused. Lindsey looked into the crowd and yelled to some noisy girls behind me, "I'm trying work up here, shut up!"

After "World Turning" starts to fade out, Lindsey sits on the stage, towels off and has a drink of water, while Alfredo Reyes does a percussion solo in a similar vein to what Mick Fleetwood would do during this song. The difference is Mick is a great rock drummer and Alfredo is not very good. Alfredo sits on a wood box with a contact mic. By lightly taping different area's of the box he gets different sounds. It's very boring and self-indulgent. I laugh to myself when I wonder, "What if he farts?" George told me, "The drummer is new and he's really good." Looking to my left during the concert I begin to understand. George is dancing; his hands are tucked in. He's shadow boxing, his body is gyrating and his movements seem to have no relation to the beat of the song. I don't mind- music affects everyone differently.

I love the slow jam that is "So Afraid" it builds and builds. Lindsey is standing on the left stage monitor and blasting out that slow linear one note solo. George is right there for it. That is until a fight almost breaks out between George and some nazi guy. I was in sonic nirvana at the time. I looked over and some guy has George by the shoulders and is making a threatening face. The people around him intercede and the incident burns itself out after a couple bars of the solo. I wonder what happened. I assume George was in sonic nirvana too and had completely spazzed out: crashing into the guy and spilling his drink? *

Lindsey was warming up to the crowd, smiling more, making eye contact. After the rave up finished "So Afraid" he was slapping hands. Unfortunately, because I'm front row center his monitors are in the way. I did catch the back of his hand but that's the closest I got, except for "Tusk" when Lindsey did his little foot tap dance at the edge of the stage. I had to pull my hands back so he didn't step on them. During "Tusk" and for much of the concert I was clamping my hands or pounding on the stage, but not in any simple 4/4 beat but in a nice syncopated rhythm in the mistaken belief that Lindsey or the band would notice my 'chops'. ** The stage had a nice bounce to it. When Lindsey would start stomping around I could feel it- for a full five sense experience.

The roadie hands out a Black Les Paul. I look at George, we had just discussed this topic. Lindsey hasn't played a Les Paul in thirty years. The guitar is plugged in a different amp. It takes a few bars before I recognize "Go Your Own Way" as the sound is so distorted it sounds like death metal. I'm confused- this doesn't seem right. It doesn't have the bouncing light quality of the original. The answer arrives with the coda. Lindsey is slapping the fretboard, dancing wildly, then he slips off guitar and starts smashing it into the stage. But the stage is bouncy and the Les Paul (cheap clone?) is heavy and won't break. George can't believe this, "You're witnessing a rare event." I'm thinking, "Pete Townshend Jr."

The band leaves the stage. The crowd surges forward. I have my wallet in my front pocket. No one can get in front of me- there is no front. If all those young ladies want to grope me - who am I to argue. What I did mind was a girl with a vinyl copy of 'Law And Order'. She was waving it back and forth from one side of the stage to the other hoping Lindsey would sign it. He just ignored her. The girl behind me is chastising me, "You have to pound on the stage!" The band is coming back whether I do or don't but I humor her.

Lindsey and the band return and perform "Holiday Road" - a rare song. He encourages us to join the dog barking and howling at the end. Lindsey introduces the band. Neale had been with him a long time. A tall lanky guy with a cool demeanor. Alfredo, 'the Cuban' joined the tour during the the 4th leg- this may explain why I found the drumming weak. Brett is introduced . Lindsey comments on Brett's fan section. Brett thanks his sister and his mother, "I'll see you at the family reunion later." Lindsey states, "This band is more than band-mates, more than friends, we have become like brothers." Brett takes to the mic, to thank his brother. Brett seemed taken with Fargo, "This has been the best concert of the tour." Lindsey announced he would release a new album in early 2008.

"Show You How" is odd because both Brett and Neale are playing bass. Lindsey is playing just the bass strings on his guitar. Lindsey comments on Fargo again. He's throws out the guitar pick- it sails over my head. He dedicates the next song to the fans that have followed his tour. I'm thinking of George, but he names Tom. Tom's father is struggling with cancer. I can relate to that. "Shut Us Down" closes the concert. Lindsey thanks the audience with "Fargo... You're Out of Sight!"

I share my reaction with George. It was a very good concert but I've seen some pretty amazing concerts so this one rates a B. The bar empties quickly. The roadies come out to turn off the equipment. I ask for a pick- he takes them all off the mic stand and throws them... over my head. He comes back with more, and they end up with some young ladies- I can't blame him. Oh well, I still had a front row center experience. George takes off- I thought he might stick around. If he had I would would have stayed. I wonder if Lindsey might come out for autographs and a chat with the fans? *** I had my doubts but you never know. I did get a souvenir as a hostess was handing out concert posters at the door.

Set List

1. Not Too Late - Under The Skin (2006)
2. Trouble - Law And Order (1981)
3. Never Going Back Again - Rumours (1977)
4. Second Hand News - Rumours (1977)
5. Castaway Dreams- Under The Skin (2006)
6. Red Rover - Say You Will (2003)
7. It Was You- Under The Skin (2006)
8. Big Love - Big Love (1987)
9. Sardonic World/Go Insane - Go Insane (1984)
10. Under the Skin- Under The Skin (2006)
11. World Turning - Fleetwood Mac (1975)
12. I'm So Afraid - Fleetwood Mac (1975)
13. I Know I'm Not Wrong - Tush (1979)
14. Tusk - Tush (1979)
15. Go Your Own Way- Rumours (1977) Encore:
16. Holiday Road - Vacation (1983)
17. Band Intro
18. Show You How- Under The Skin (2006)
19. ****Say Goodbye- Say You Will (2003)
20. Shut Us Down- Under The Skin (2006)

Comments: * The Nazi guy's girl was trying to squeeze George out of the way. George was politely removing her arms from his shoulders. Nazi guy took offense at that. After the concert this big Linebacker type guy came up and said, "Hey Man, what happened?" After George told him, the Linebacker said, "You handled that right. I can't believe some of these people. He must have been drunk."

**I also wore my tan vertical stripe shirt that looks like something from the Beach Boys- knowing Lindsey is a huge Beach Boy fan.

**After the concert: George, Lindsey #1LiddyBuckFan (to the left of George), and David (behind Lindsey) did meet Lindsey Buckingham. I found photos and some comments from DavidMN and #1LiddyBuckFan online.

***Track 19 may not exist, but I thought he played this song from "Say You Will". My memory is not that good. I thought I saw local anchor Robin Huebner by the stage after the concert, but there was no local press coverage.

Wrestle The Platypus

It was a hot summer afternoon in early June 1974. I was at my first Civil Air Patrol (CAP) encampment at Camp Grafton on the shores of Devils Lake. I was only 13 years old but had been a member of the Fargo CAP for about six months. My hut-mates and I were trying to cool off. This was difficult because we had been marching in the parade field for a couple hours in a green fatigues with white T-shirts underneath, heavy black combat boots, and green baseball hats. Some of the cadets had fainted in the sun. They had not learned the secret to standing at attention for long periods of time- keep you knees bent. Our galvanized metal huts were already hot under the sun. There was no breeze, but we were not authorized to go anywhere else.

Some older cadets appeared at our open door.

"Anderson, Maas, and Stein, Fall In."

My hut-mates and I quickly moved outside and stood at attention.

"At ease."

We moved easily to a relaxed position with our legs spread and hands behind our backs.

"Because you are new cadets and have never been to encampment before, we feel it is time for you become acquainted with the traditions of CAP encampment. Traditions that if not followed would lessen your enjoyment of encampment and would possibly jeopardize you future in CAP. We're going on a little mission."

"Sir, what mission?" asked Stein.

"Well, Airman First Class Stein, we will tell you when we get there. Now, right face, 'harch. Forward... March!"

Off we went down the line of metal huts. The younger cadets looking on questioning. The older cadets were laughing. We didn't know what to think. Nothing at encampment is ever good. We turned away from the parade field and toward the lake. At least we would not be doing more close order drill.

When we got down to the shoreline, the three of us were ordered to take off our hats, shirt, boots and stocks.

"Now, roll up you fatigues and wade into the lake," barked the Sergeant!

I looked at Stein. He shrugged his shoulders. Anderson said, "Well, at least we'll cool off a little in the lake."

As we waded into the lake two fisherman in a boat about 100 yards out turned and pointed in our direction.

"Gentlemen, we're looking for a Platypus," The Sergeant looked at each one of us and then continued, "we have reason to believe there is a Platypus in this location. Your job is to find it and wrestle it into this net." With that he proceeded to hand a weighted fishnet to Anderson.

Anderson looked at the net and said, "Sergeant, there aren't any Platypus in North Dakota."

Stein piped up and said, "Yeah, they're in Australia or something."

The Sergeant turned toward me. (Even as an Airman First Cass I knew nothing good would come from arguing with an officer or the Sergeant.) I said nothing. The Sergeant turn back to Stein and Anderson, "Well then I don't suppose it would do any good to look for it would it."

"No Sergeant," Stein and Anderson said in unison.

"Then you two can put your uniforms back on and report to Major Henderson in the parade field for a fine afternoon of marching."

Stein and Anderson looked crest fallen in the beautiful cool lake. Stein was the first to come to his senses, "Sergeant, I believe I may have been mistaken. I think I read somewhere that wild Platypus have been spotted on this very lake. And because they are not indigenous to Devils Lake they need to be captured and removed."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you have decided to rejoin our little mission. What about you Anderson."

Anderson wasn't about to claim there were Platypus in Devils Lake but he also wasn't about to pass up wading in the cool lake rather than spend the afternoon marching in the hot sun. "Sergeant, I'm already wet, and if there is a Platypus in this lake and if Maas and Stein can coral it toward me, I'll catch it in this net."

"Outstanding Gentlemen!"

Stein and I waded further in the water, not too concern about getting wet. The Sergeant and his buddies encouraged us to moved down the shoreline and into deeper water. Stein who was a couple steps in front of me stepped into a hole and disappeared. I stopped not knowing what to do. He popped up a moment later. The Sergeant was laughing, his buddies were laughing, the fishermen in the boat were laughing. Even Anderson was stifling a laugh behind me. I could only wonder if it had been me in the lead- would they have fished me out or let me drown?

I went around the hole carefully probing with my feet. As I took point, Stein and Anderson were behind me. I made my way closer to the shore, we were approaching a point where the shore jutted out with some trees and foliage. It was then I thought I heard something in the foliage. Now I didn't really believe there was a Platypus within a thousand miles of this lake, but you never know. The Sergeant told us to be careful; he seemed so sure of himself. I made the hand-sign to hold up. I worked my way into deeper water and around the point. I signaled Stein to take a position 90 degrees off mine and for Anderson to bring up the net.

The Sergeant and his buddies grew quiet. The fishermen put down their poles. The three of us got closer and closer to the source of the noise. Just as we were about to make an unbreakable chain, the Platypus jumped up and headed for Anderson. Anderson panicked and dropped the net, but his splashing scared the Platypus back in Stein's direction. This gave me enough time to grab the net and toss it over the Platypus and Stein.

Stein yelled and thrashed about, "Get it off me, get it off me! The Platypus is attacking me."

I grabbed the side of the net and pulled it tight around the Platypus and off Stein. Stein moved back and fell over into the lake. Anderson was already halfway to the shore. Sergeant was yelling, "Maas, what the hell do you have?!"

"Sergeant I have either caught the ugliest Platypus in existence or we have caught a duck." I said this my loudest military voice.

A second later I could hear the bark of laughter coming from the boat on the lake, followed by "Oh crap, the fishing poles!"

This caused the Sergeant and his buddies to roar with even more laughter. They were rolling on the beach and verbally beating each other with the punchline. Even Anderson stopped his panicked run to shore to stop, turn around, and see what evil beast he had narrowly avoided.

Of course we let the poor duck go. But I became the hero of the encampment. Every time the Sergeant told the story it became funnier and I became more important. At dinner that evening, Sergeant tapped his glass, "Gentleman, a toast to the hero of Encampment 1974, Airman First Class Maas." Two hundred cadets stood as one, gave a hurrah, swallowed down their milk, and then laughed for five straight minutes.

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Where does this Story come from?

I have two nephews, aged 10 and 8. I started reading the older one stories at a very early age. One night I was babysitting and decided to tell him a bedtime story based on my own childhood. This was very popular. I've always been blessed with a vivid and creative imagination. Whenever it's bedtime and I'm over at my sister's house I hear, "Can uncle Craig make up a bedtime story for us?"

I rarely have one ready or even a topic. I asked them, "What's the story about?" and they throw out some ideas. My stories range from true but exaggerated events in my childhood, to comic farce, to Superheroes, to amalgamations of real life events and fiction. Often I take whatever topic the boys bring up and just start talking. I find the stories seem to tell themselves.

The older nephew likes stories about my life: the adventures I had with my childhood friend, and my adventures in Civil Air Patrol as a young cadet. The younger nephew likes cartoons. Recently he has become very interested in animals, marine life, and Australia. This is why he has the Platypus on his mind. As I told the story he became the Platypus I wrestled, and the story was loosely based on the classic 'Snipe Hunt'.

The Civil Air Patrol (CAP) encampment was held at Camp Grafton on the shores of Devils Lake. CAP Cadet squadrons ranged in ages from 12 to 18, at which time you would graduate to the Adult squadron. Our role was to prepare for the military and also do Search and Rescue missions (S&R) for missing air craft. During summer encampment all the CAP squadrons around the state would arrive at Camp Grafton where we would: March, Study, March, Play War Games, March, Work Kitchen Patrol (KP), March, Awake in the middle of the night for Fire Watch, March, and go on short field trips to the Grand Forks Air Force Base. Oh yes, did I tell you we did a lot of marching? The Fargo Squadron was the largest, most active, and craziest CAP Squadron in the state- and from what I read in the national newsletter- the country.

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Postscript

I started this story a couple days after I made it up. I only got a few paragraphs done of the story and the background information and then it sat for month. Too long for me to really finish the story as it was told. I'll have to tell a slightly different story.

I also was looking at my Journal Addendum and found some CAP info including some names. Our Cadet Commander was Lt. Col. Kelly A. Vorachek.There was another Lt. Col. who was crazy (in a funny way) he was the leader of the maroon berets. I was awarded a 'CAP new member for 1973' on 2-25-1974. I think I quit right after 1975 CAP encampment or the Fall of 1975 after the Bismarck S&R mission. Some interesting names that appear in my CAP newsletter: Mark & Paul Finstad, Kevin Fitzgerald, Joe McPherson, Scott Brottlund, Chris Koesterman, Debbi Hinton, Max Roesler. Max was a little kid (when I read about Ortner abusing some small kid in CAP this is who I think of.) Joe was like a Sergeant, as was Kevin but I get the feeling Kevin started later than me and raced past me. I left with 4 or 5 stripes but was never too interested in getting ahead, just getting out.